Now that that is cleared up, I have a very vague and open question: where does confidence come from? Is it something taught to us as children? Because if it was, I never had this lesson...
Can confidence be learned over time? Sure it can! That's what I'm trying to force on myself, as painful as it is. I had myself involved with things I never imagined my Junior year of high school. Now this summer I'm forcing myself to talk to people (so painful), mainly in person and on the phone, but even texting/chatting too.
I feel like there is so much interaction that is gradually forced on us over the years anyway, like for example I would have never needed to call a Sears representative to reserve a Cooper Response Touring P185/65R15 88T BSW tire in Delaware before, but now I have a car so... What I'm trying to say is that responsibilities are pushed on us as we get older and I don't like it. I never have and maybe it's because I'm spoiled, but seriously talking to people is like a fear that I have to overcome every single day.
THE FEAR OF TALKING (I think) is due to the fear of my words not being accepted. I ALWAYS say the wrong thing. Chinese Waitress from a Chinese Buffet: "How are you doing with your soda?" Me: "Yes." So what's the only solution to this problem? Limit the amount of words spoken. Oops, now I'm a mute. That was a great idea. Sike. I'm so lonely, I'm talking to myself. See?
On a side note, I hate how people say they don't care what anyone else thinks. If that was really true, they would walk around naked wearing a satchel filled with change and every time they made a purchase, they would take out handfuls of change and pour it on the counter. People care what other people think, unless they are around their friends and I don't have friends that could accept me for who I am besides my brother and Tim. Lame, I KNOW.
But I have noticed that the more people I talk to (well, really the more people that talk TO ME), the more confidence I end up having and the happier I am. It's complicated. For the past year, I've been too focused on the fact that I have no friends and have missed out on many opportunities to change my predicament. LIKE LEAVING MY HOUSE FOR ONCE. One day it's just going to click and I'll throw the wildest party known to man (I said this to myself 5 years ago. ugh).
So the only way to build confidence is to jump right in; don't worry about the minor consequences of your little actions, just do what pleases you. That's the only way people can figure out their true personality and become THE MOST CONFIDENT PERSON IN THE WORLD.
~This is not the only thing I fear. I'll keep you posted.
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