SUCCESS

   Things are particularly blurry at 5 am. Especially if it's cold and raining outside.

   If you have a goal in mind, you're willing to lose sleep. You want this thing more than your body wants it. 

   You're love for this one thing keeps you up at night and wakes you up early in the morning. 

   Friends and family support what you do, but they have no idea of the sacrifice.

   If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's life. I realized something tonight. If you want to ever be successful, you have to want that thing as much as you want oxygen to breathe. You can't sleep the day away because you might sleep through an opportunity. Everything you ever worked for in your life comes down to these few years between high school and college. We must push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion. 

   Who cares if it's cool to be relaxed and sit on a couch and fall asleep after school? Who cares if it's cool to not study and get Cs and Ds on tests? Who cares if it's cool to skip practice and give it your all on the day of a game/meet and do your very worst? Think about that for a second. Those things seem acceptable to A LOT OF PEOPLE, though not when worded in that fashion. Why would you not want to study or practice? Why would you fall asleep right after school when you could do your homework and get a good night's rest?

   These college application questions and essays are making me realize that I barely worked as hard as I should have to get into the places I am applying at. Looking at other people's application concerns online and seeing that they VOLUNTEERED for nonprofit organizations, they were PRESIDENTS of their clubs, they were CAPTAINS of their teams, they STUDIED ON WEEKENDS and they are STILL worried that they won't be accepted makes me look back at my own resume and see that I was just a MEMBER of clubs, I NEVER volunteered for anything other than an Italian festival, I was almost NEVER a leader in anything I did, and I PROCRASTINATED all my assignments until the night before they were due. And I think I have a shot at acceptance over these kids. Ha.

   We need to start working hard or we will miss all opportunities that are given to us around this age. We can't see them now, but there are a lot of people and companies out there looking for people like us, but they cannot single us out because of our small level of involvement. How will they know who we are and what we're good at if we don't show them what we are good at? Makes no sense.

   So much adrenaline pumping right now. And it's 1:59 am. Gosh, I want to be successful. 17 isn't a bad age to start, I guess. See you on the track tomorrow.

~This isn't the only thing I want to be. I'll keep you posted.

   

MOVIES

Alright, so a major part of my life is the fact that I absolutely love movies. Whether it be western, crime, classic or comedy, I have no care; I'll probably watch it. My favorite movies are ones you can look back on and remember at least one line that is life-defining. Something you'll remember for the rest of you life that reminds you of what it means to be living.
Over the past 2 years, I've seen probably over 400 movies and they were all amazing (except for Fargo. Why do people like that movie?). Some I don't remember well and others I could never forget. When I watch movies, it's like leaving my mind and becoming a spectator of a whole new life. A good movie can turn a crummy day into a pretty exciting one. The excitement and depression from these movies are easily overlooked by the average person watching a movie on a Saturday night. I pay attention and I try to find answers. I'm trying to change my perspective to how the people in movies would live their lives.
Drama is the most entertaining to me, but they aren't the only movies with a message. Disney does a great job producing movies that portray a broad view of life. They can represent childhood, innocence and what it's like to grow up through animals and fantastical objects. This is part of the reason why I like Disney so much. They are not a greedy film company looking for a few extra bucks by releasing a terrible movie to consumers. There is a purpose behind every line and every action in a movie. Almost all of their movies are quality films that will be remembered from decade to decade.
Also, great movies are defined by the directors and actors/actresses in them. Steven Spielberg is one of the greatest directors on earth. Most of his movies are my favorites. Kevin Spacey is a fantastic actor (voice of Hopper in A Bug's Life, The Usual Suspects). Even simple movies like Never Back Down with no-name actors can leave a lasting effect based on the overall message trying to be portrayed.
Although movies take a while to watch, I think they are all worth a chance. Just watch a trailer! Heck, read a book. It'll be better than any movie you watch, but it takes a heck of a lot longer to complete.

*movies that changed my life
The Deer Hunter
Into the Wild
The Shawshank Redemption
Forrest Gump
Schindler's List
It's A Wonderful Life
A Christmas Story
Finding Nemo
The Lion King
And many, many, many more!

Name a movie and there's a 70% chance I've seen it. Do it.
Between movies, math and money, I'm set for life!

~These aren't the only movies I watch. I'll keep you posted.

THE OLDEN DAYS

   My whole life, in history class, looking through museums, watching movies and even digging up some pictures of my early family, I always pictured the old days in black and white. It's hard for me to get a clear picture of what things actually looked like for people in the 1700s, 1800s and early 1900s. A very eye opening experience for me was a trip to the University of Pennsylvania. The antiquated campus seemed to bring me back a hundred years. Somehow, I knew that the same sight I saw was shared by someone many years ago, that as real as the buildings looked now, they looked the same for someone before my time.

   I feel like it's difficult to convey what I actually mean about this matter. Take for example a glass bottle of Coca-Cola. 70 years ago, this thing wasn't black and white... It was the same color, same taste, the same image it is perceived today. 

   Another experience that made me wonder was when I watched film of an old baseball game. The footage was choppy and the players were just blurs. Their odd baseball maneuvers seemed preposterous to me and in my mind, I could not put myself in their shoes. I could not imagine myself as a 1930s baseball player seeing a pitch come to me the exact same way it does today. Would I react the same way? Would the pitch do something I've never seen before? The "realness" is impossible for me to imagine.

   Also, Shakespearean times are difficult for me to imagine. Did the clothes they wore give off an aurora of wealth, or to the contrary, an impoverished stench, just by the the sight of them? Pantaloons were cool then and cargo shorts are cool now. Where did we go astray? Anyways, it's hard for me to accept what a Shakespearean person looked like. They looked like people do today. No different. Just their attributes were slightly askew. Over the years, the only thing that has changed in our appearance is hair, clothing and make-up.

   If you were thrown into the 80s, would you know where you were? Would you notice peculiarities in your vision? Would what you see be less crisp than what you see in our present day? Does vision somehow change to a different hue? The answer is no. But like I said, it's difficult to imagine. 

~This isn't the only thing I have trouble imagining. I'll keep you posted.

WHAT IF...

   Something had me thinking today. What if everyone on Earth jumped in the air at the same exact moment? Would Earth spin a little faster in that brief period and people would land maybe a foot away from where they jumped from? Or maybe the planet would be so confused, we'd shoot out and end up in orbit somewhere by Andromeda. Hmm... This is one for the scientists.

   Also, we must think about how to spread the word that everyone is jumping at a certain time. Third world countries would have a hard time receiving the news and time zones might mess up the plans. And there is less than a one second frame where people have to jump, considering  "the average max standing jump is about 0.53 seconds" (wiki).

   I think it would be so cool if we could get half a population to do this. Even just a town jumping would make it feel like an earthquake.

   While we're on the subject, I also think it would be awesome if we could get an entire stadium of people to make weird noises at the same time. A USA chant sounds great no matter how many people join in, but if 40,000 people said it at the same time, nothing would be more patriotic. What else... oh, an entire stadium where everyone claps at the same time, sings in harmony, inhales at the same time, and/or exhales at the same time... all cool to me.

   Unison has a way of making me smile so if anyone knows where an event like this is taking place, please, LET ME KNOW. okay

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_average_standing_jump_hangtime_for_a_human

Credit where credit is due ^^^

DISNEY

   What is it that makes a theme park the 'happiest place on Earth'? What do people look forward to when coming here? The rides? (I know for a fact it isn't the rude foreigners...) You can go on rides in Hershey Park or Busch Gardens or Dorney Park or Six Flags... So why is Disney any different?
Well I'll tell ya: there's just something magical about this place. It's in the air. The weather may be offsetting at times and everything may be going wrong for you back home, but when you come here everything seems to change. You forget who you are, what real life is and just soak in the fact that you are in another 'world'.
   Let's face it, you won't see any of these people again so you can be whoever you want. Today I was an obnoxious Canadian tourist, representing Canada with my Montreal Olympics shirt. I laughed loudly at corny jokes I heard and I said "eh" every now and then in case anybody was listening to my conversations. I can be the person I can't be at home. I walk around my hotel/motel/resort (I'm not sure what it is) wearing nothing but shorts because hey, again, who cares.
   For the past 17 years, I've been told that if I want something in life, I have to go and take it. I'll be honest in saying that I never had this way of thinking. I kind of just let things happen and never seem to take responsibility in pursuing my personal interests. But this place is making me someone who I never was, someone who feels obligated to make sure he makes the most of his young life.
   The last time I was here was the first time I was able to fully appreciate all the parks had to offer. When I returned home, I was too upset to go to sleep because I liked this place so much. I would close my eyes and imagine that I was here, wish I was here, even though I knew my next trip wouldn't be for years to come. I wanted my life at home to be like it was here. Maybe that's because this is the one place my family can go to without arguing with one another. We become a fully functional family who makes weird jokes that only we understand. Families make Disney what it is today.
   You don't have to be a thrill-seeking, coaster junkie to like it here, I'm quite the antithesis. You just need to know how to relax and enjoy your surroundings without being a total doofus. Rules don't apply here. Whether you're trekking through an Animal Kingdom safari or you're playing carnival games with Buzz Lightyear, there's always something for you to do.
   Rides, food, attractions, stores, fun, more food, imagination and childhood. You know how Chuck E. Cheese is "Where a kid can be a kid"? Well Disney is "Where a 1-100 year old can be a kid". That is the basic layout of Disney for ya. So if you've never been, come down.
   This truly is the happiest place on Earth. It's where dreams come true.

MUSIC

   There are so many different types of music out there; jazz, rap, pop and so on and so forth. How do we come to love just one type of music? I myself never could. I love songs from every single genre out there.
For example, some of my favorite bands/people are:
  Daft Punk
  Black Keys
  Boston
  Lynyrd Skynyrd
  Bing Crosby
  Jason Mraz
  (LOOK AT THAT VARIETY)
-Little known fact: I spent most of my childhood listening to Ludacris, Outkast, eminem, Limp Bizkit, Creed, Jock Jams, country music and *NSYNC. And you wonder why I'm so weird.
   One type that I could never tire of no matter how much I listen to it is southern rock (Lynyrd Skynyrd, Pure Prairie League, The Allman Brothers, The Doobie Brothers, Marshall Tucker Band) because it reminds me of good times and happiness way back in the day. I used to listen to a cd with all of those bands when I was little and on my way to the beach with my family and I ALWAYS had a fantastic time.
   My guess is that we closely relate music we like to the emotions we are feeling when listening. If you listen to the Beach Boys whenever you go to the beach, chances are they put you in a good mood when you listen to them at home. If you listen to techno when you work out, you'll probably get energetic whenever you listen to it. If you relate rap to violence, you prob won't enjoy listening to it ever. It's all psychological. Don't think... Just listen and enjoy.
   What is so wrong with listening to every single genre out there? I like to fall asleep listening to the 5000 songs on my Zune on shuffle. This usually brings me anything from Christmas music to dubstep to dubstep Christmas music XD but I loooooove everything I listen to. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not being able to stick to one type of music.
   "Chickity china the Chinese chicken, have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin".... I don't care who you are, that's fun to say. (It's 'One Week' by Barenaked Ladies).
   Someone I know told me she liked The Fray and even though I don't usually listen to bands like them, I gave it a try. And you know what? IT WASN'T BAD. So now I listen to them and others of the same quality all because I gave em a try. What I'm trying to say is forget about your opinions and just listen to everything. GEEZE IT'S NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE.
   So whether you are feeling relaxed or if you need a kick start to your day, there is always music to listen to. Don't discriminate music... You're only depriving yourself from enjoyment!

~This isn't the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

NASA

   Way back in 1969, Americans looked forward watching one thing and one thing only on tv: the moon landing. Everybody knew when the launch would be. They talked about it on the streets and at social gatherings... it was pretty much the only thing they cared about (besides Woodstock) because it was something new and exciting.
   But nowadays, a moon landing or even a Mars landing means little to nothing to people. Just the other day, Curiosity made a landing on Mars; I was watching it on the NASA channel. People of my age tend to post trending things on Twitter or Facebook to show their interest and absolutely nobody I knew posted anything in the minutes leading up to the event. To the contrary, everyone in the NASA station was super ecstatic when Curiosity landed. Seeing how happy they were made me feel just how wonderful the landing was, including how much work and dedication they put into it. I FELT their excitement and wanted to jump in the air even though it was like 2 in the morning. They did something spectacular and our nation ignored them.
   So how did we go from nationwide interest in the space frontier to nobody but 'geeks' even knowing such a thing like a Mars landing even occurred? THAT'S A BIG DEAL! I went on CNN.com and it wasn't even the top story. Could it be that we just expect things like this now? That we expect to be living in space within a couple years? We are blinded by Hollywood lies that offer the possibility of traveling at 'lightspeed' and other science fiction entities.
   I wish we could go back in time because people now are so ignorant about things that really matter, things that would help us learn more and explore more than we could have ever imagined. People back in the day had to work hard if they wanted to learn. Now all we have to do is whip out our phones (which are on us 24/7) to find answers to complicated historical, mathematical, scientific questions that only a few people really know answers to. Nothing like the internet was available to people a while ago; they had to write by hand and read encyclopedias for answers, and even then they might not have their questions solved.
   Let's face it: We're spoiled.

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

WEIRD RUNNING CLIPS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1i7jufSVgA&feature=plcp 
While I was running.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvwY4PdzhP4&feature=plcp 
Later while I was running.

Went over 8 MILES due to some inspiration from a friend and because I felt better than usual, which is odd.

My house -> Swarthmore College -> Modified Rose Garden (through the campus) -> Wrong Turn down a Dark Street -> RUNNING IN FEAR of being MURDERED IN THE DARK -> High School -> Around the Middle School -> INSTEAD OF GOING STRAIGHT HOME, took a path back to MacDade vs Morton Ave -> Straight up MacDade -> Home Sweet Home.

My legs felt terrible when I stopped. But my spirit was lifted high in the sky! #MANLY

I will probably stop after 1 mile tomorrow if I even wake up. Mac's going to ask me how far I ran this week and I'll be like "BAM! I RAN JUST OVER 28 MILES WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We're in for one wild night." -300
Midget?

CONFIDENCE

   I have no confidence whatsoever. 

   Now that that is cleared up, I have a very vague and open question: where does confidence come from? Is it something taught to us as children? Because if it was, I never had this lesson... 

   Can confidence be learned over time? Sure it can! That's what I'm trying to force on myself, as painful as it is. I had myself involved with things I never imagined my Junior year of high school. Now this summer I'm forcing myself to talk to people (so painful), mainly in person and on the phone, but even texting/chatting too. 

   I feel like there is so much interaction that is gradually forced on us over the years anyway, like for example I would have never needed to call a Sears representative to reserve a Cooper Response Touring P185/65R15 88T BSW tire in Delaware before, but now I have a car so... What I'm trying to say is that responsibilities are pushed on us as we get older and I don't like it. I never have and maybe it's because I'm spoiled, but seriously talking to people is like a fear that I have to overcome every single day.

   THE FEAR OF TALKING (I think) is due to the fear of my words not being accepted. I ALWAYS say the wrong thing.     Chinese Waitress from a Chinese Buffet: "How are you doing with your soda?" Me: "Yes."     So what's the only solution to this problem? Limit the amount of words spoken. Oops, now I'm a mute. That was a great idea. Sike. I'm so lonely, I'm talking to myself. See?

   On a side note, I hate how people say they don't care what anyone else thinks. If that was really true, they would walk around naked wearing a satchel filled with change and every time they made a purchase, they would take out handfuls of change and pour it on the counter. People care what other people think, unless they are around their friends and I don't have friends that could accept me for who I am besides my brother and Tim. Lame, I KNOW.

   But I have noticed that the more people I talk to (well, really the more people that talk TO ME), the more confidence I end up having and the happier I am. It's complicated. For the past year, I've been too focused on the fact that I have no friends and have missed out on many opportunities to change my predicament. LIKE LEAVING MY HOUSE FOR ONCE. One day it's just going to click and I'll throw the wildest party known to man (I said this to myself 5 years ago. ugh).

   So the only way to build confidence is to jump right in; don't worry about the minor consequences of your little actions, just do what pleases you. That's the only way people can figure out their true personality and become THE MOST CONFIDENT PERSON IN THE WORLD. 

~This is not the only thing I fear. I'll keep you posted.

GHOSTS

   Could it be possible that there are ghosts here in this world? That they are forever haunting houses and places of interest on land and on sea? I myself am a believer because I have experienced a close encounter with one. Now, prior to this event, I had been exposed to ghost stories. I loved reading them but they were nothing like what I had experienced that night when I was seven...

   One night when I was little and watching Lord of the Rings with my parents, I decided to call it a night and headed upstairs to my bed. I slept in the same room as my brother and we had bunk-beds; I had the top. When I reached to turn on my light when I walked in, nothing happened, so I figured the light bulb burnt out. I shrugged it off and climbed up to my bunk in the pitch black darkness. Finally settled in, I felt something brush my leg. It froze me in terror when it happened but I tried convincing myself it was just the cat, even though my cats didn't like sleeping with me then (6ft high bunk bed just isn't the place for them). Then, as I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep, right next to my face I heard something say "YOU'RE MY PRECIOUS" kind of like Gollum would say in LotR and this was enough to scare the wits out of me. I jumped (fell) out of my bunk bed (probably sprained my ankle) and the next thing I knew I was downstairs next to my parents explaining to them what happened, out of breath. They thought I was ridiculous but I forced them to let me sleep in their bed.

   Okay, I'm not a very courageous person but even Stone Cold Steve Austin would have cried if he had to sleep alone that night. See, ghosts do exist. If they don't, why do we have thousands of TV shows and documentaries that claim that they do? They gather proof that ghosts exist! 

   So real question here is, WHY are the ghosts here haunting us? Could it be that they are loved ones trying to help us? Or bitter rich men who tried to buy their way out of death, but could never fully come back to the real world? Or babies who were never born but grew up in the shadow world, and now are full grown up ghosts getting their revenge? The things I can think of... 

   Even if what I experienced was not true and I had falsely lived in fear every moment since, I do wish that ghosts are real because that adds another dimension to what we think life is. If anyone could prove its existence with cold hard facts, it would probably consist of two parts, science and religion. Two ideas that have never gotten along with each other. Go science! Still rooting for you, and I think we are winning. Now it's time for the science quote of the day to remind us why we have religion in our lives:

"The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it also seems pointless."

-Steven Weinberg

~This is not the only thing I worry about, nor wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

OLYMPICS

“Where does a story truly begin? In life, there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments when we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never have foreseen.”

—       "A Bend in the Road" by Nicholas Sparks

   It's that time again. The time for the Summer Olympics. The time when we show our pride in the country we forgot we were a part of. The time when we remind ourselves what it truly means to be American in this terrorstruck world. 
   So my main point today is figuring out the 'road' an Olympic athlete must take to get to where he or she is this year, in London. Obviously, there should be the dream. This dream starts at many different times for people. Sometimes, there is no dream for the person, but for this case, there just is. The dream starts when a person starts to realize his or her talents. This could be the person making headlines in the paper for the first time or being noticed by a scout for a college. But there will always be the notion inside the brain that this person can become so much more that a local hero. There are bigger fish to fry.
   To truly become great, you must first learn that becoming the best requires a need for success, comparable to a need for oxygen. You must wake up in the morning with the same dream, and fall asleep with satisfaction. The satisfaction of trying your hardest no matter what was in your way. Only then could you know that you were doing everything possible to reach your peak.
   Always remember that the Olympic judges do not have bias. Athletes are judged purely on talent. No matter how much money your family has, talent cannot be bought; it must be earned. And NO amount of money will get you a gold medal (unless someone puts it on eBay...). There is no way to bribe officials plus that would be illegal so don't even try. Of course, it does help to have money for training purposes, but in the long run, natural ability prevails. 
   It is sad that my Olympic dream will never have truth unto itself, for Baseball has been eradicated from the Summer Olympics for the time being (SAD FACE). No matter what I do now, I fear I will not be able to represent my country. I guess becoming a pro athlete requires the same mentality of being an Olympic one, without the national pride stuff, so that's the best thing our country has to offer now. 

~I fear this did not make any sense. I'll keep you posted.

MAIL

   Remember back in the day when you received something, anything, in the mail and it had your name on it? And the special letters that addressed you as Mr./Ms.? THAT WAS THE COOLEST! No matter who the letter was from or what the contents were inside, you could not wait to open it. 
   I know for a fact that I am still this way. No matter what college sends me letters or what bank wants me to set up a credit card, I will be sure to open it. It's a shame that others are not like this anymore though. My parents, for example, throw out mail without showing the slightest interest in seeing what's inside.
   So why is it that adults have lost their love for opening mail over the course of their lifetime? Could it be that they no longer want surprises in their lives? That is a shame in my opinion. It's a shame that through 'growing up' we forget who we are, who we were. 
   I hope I never become this way. I vow to always open my mail, no matter how menial the task becomes. I am still waiting for the day that I get a surprise letter that looks like it should be thrown out but I open it and inside I find a thousand dollar bill. That would be glorious. 
   So the next time you throw out a letter without opening it, ask yourself whether or not you could live with yourself if there had been a little present inside for you. You could be throwing out millions of dollars in inheritance from a long lost uncle who disguised his will as a letter from American Express offering .02% interest for 5 years. Remember, remember.

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

DREAMS

   Dreams are something our heart wants when we are fast asleep. Dreams are the essence of our existence. Dreams push us forward in life when everything seems to be going wrong. They provide us with hope for something, as ridiculous that something may seem, and remind us that there are always things we can do to give ourselves joy. Dreams for some differ from dreams for others, but each dream means the same to each dreamer. They mean HOPE.

   Now, my dreams are not to be confused with the types of fantasy, but rather realistic dreams that are attainable in a lifetime. These dreams are of my future, my life as an adult. Here is my dream of life:

   I dream of going to college/university. In this institution, I make many friends from sports and from 'partying'. Friends of whom will remain in my life for years to come. While struggling to understand the curriculum, I work hard enough to keep my GPA above a 3.5 and still have time to spend with the people I know and love. Family first, then school, then friends. Maybe, just maybe, there WILL be someone I come to love in these years. Probably not, but maybe. In that case, studies can wait because that's not more important than someone I like. I probably will not meet that someone though, so there's no use worrying.

   Out of school, I plan to commit to the AP review and my team. Sorry! Calculus inside joke. 

   After school, I plan on securing a job that can afford me a nice apartment near the office and a decent car that I will not have to worry about breaking down in the middle of major highways. My first paid vacation, I will travel to another country and build up a nice tan with a lady friend. Of course there would be a lady friend. I will not travel to another country by myself... there's nobody to share wonder and enjoyment with in that scenario. 

   By now, I should be able to read in another language with comfort, but not ease. Probably just Spanish but maybe Greek or Italian. Reading and/or watching movies will be my entertainment for nights I do not find myself with friends. If things with the lady friend are serious... which should be by this point... I would consider buying a solid home (with more than one bathroom) in a low-crime suburb of a beautiful city for the two of us. The town I move into will have stores along the street, not malls and superstores, but a barber and a grocer and a candy store and little shops like that. The school district will be one of the best in the state in academics and will be good, not great, in athletics. By this point I will have considered children and will have realized that it's time I have some of my own. I have a well paying job, along with my lady friend, and we realize that the expenses of a child will not interrupt our lives and how we live them. 

   Marriage is dawning. I have realized it since the first day I met her. We would get married one day and have children and a beautiful home. Well, the home is ours and we want the children. So much of our time is spent together anyways. The only thing that proves we are not married in public is that we don't have rings. That is going to change very soon. I talk to her friends about marriage and when one seems to understand my plan, we go to get the ring at a jewelry store. One strikes my eye instantly, but the price tag is WAY too much. She wouldn't even like it anyway. It's too elegant and luxurious for her liking. I know her kind of ring: Simple, yet profound. The way light hits the stone, you could stare for hours at its beauty. And there it is. I know the size and instantly bark at the jeweler "THIS IS THE ONE!" And it is mine. All mine. For now...

   Waiting for the perfect time. We go hiking and running through the woods and in the mountains. I plan to propose at the top, but when we get there, I chicken out. I convince myself it's not the right time. What if she says no? It would be a LONG walk back. It could ruin everything! I'm taking it too fast, so I wait a month. 

   She knows something has been bothering me. I ask if she wants to go to the Cheesecake Factory for a special dinner with me and she says yes with a smile. When we get there, I have a fantastic idea. Crazy, but I think it's fantastic. I ask to use the bathroom and go through 'Employee Only' doors to the kitchen. I ask a baker about it and he laughs and says yes. When I come back I make the straightest face of my life. I could win poker games with that face. After we finish our always-delicious meals, our desert comes and we are ecstatic. I stare as she takes a bite into her slice of cheesecake and then it happens. She stops and pulls the ring out then I kneel and it's wonderful and she says yes and everyone in the Cheesecake Factory claps and we're overjoyed. Happy times!

   Fast forward through the most beautiful wedding ever (I didn't plan more than 10% of it HA). We have two children, both boys, who love their family and are loved by their family. They are smart for their age and are very athletic. They like to run and play baseball like me. One is a fantastic writer and is in the band. The other loves math but can't stand reading for more than an hour at a time. We all love each other. Of course, there are times when we don't get along, but we are not dysfunctional. We love to do things together like fishing and going to ball parks and watching hockey games and going to see movies.

   My wife and I know that as they are growing up, we are getting older as well. The things our children do, the fads they get themselves into, remind us of how naive we were growing up. Spoiled, in fact, with our internet and cellular phones. They will have some new type of social media that we can't understand how to work. They'll be annoyed as we try to show our love when they get older, but they still know that we do it because of what they mean to us. When they finally leave college, we'll move to a beach somewhere, or maybe South Dakota. Somewhere quiet and peaceful where we can spend our time together. We'll do the things we never could with them around. Explore places we've never been before, even though we don't have our youth anymore. 

   From time to time, our children will visit or call. Now they have kids of their own! Wow, they're growing up fast. It seems like just yesterday they were being coddled and sung back to sleep each night. I begin to miss those days, but it doesn't last long. I am thankful for the things I have experienced in life with the people I've experienced them with. 

   My grandkids ask me how life was growing up in my time and I say, unlike my grandfather said to me, that it was really easy! Everything I needed in life was all around me. Things that made me happy were cheap and a low-paying job was easy to come by. I had a great time in school and I had many friends. I felt like the luckiest man in the world when your grandmother said yes to my proposal. The story of the ring in the cake doesn't make sense to them and they ask what I would have done if she chipped a tooth. Kids these days... 

   Oh well, I envy their innocence and energy because I am old now. I can no longer run and neither can she. Arthritis ugh. We can share meds though so it's cool. Not once since we moved into the new house have we argued. Not once have we betrayed each other. She was the only love for me, as I was for her. 

   It was the most painful night of my life when she passed in her sleep next to me in our bed. She was sick for a while and it was just her time. The month afterward was a blur to me. Anything I did, I expected her to be beside me, but she wasn't. I was ashamed for what I had become in that month. I was shallow and bitter. I felt as if I could not live without her. Then I had my dream. The dream of her and all she had given me. The new things I learned from her, the family we had created. I loved her for this and I realized something... Everything around me was because of her. We were one. When family visited, I was happy. I was excited to see them because she was them. She was the home. She was everything that brought me joy. 

   That's why for the next FEW years, I was the happiest old man anyone had ever seen. I made made my lasting effect in the community by donating some of our wealth to orphanages and to build a recreational center in memory of my wife. Why the next FEW years, you may ask. That's because I became sick too. I knew it was my time to go as well and I welcomed it. I could not wait to finally be with my wife. When I get there, I know she will be waiting and we can continue the life that we had forever.

~This is the short version of my dream. I skipped over many things. I'll keep you posted.

SLEEP

   Why do we all need sleep? I mean, every single person needs it and without it, we feel groggy and dopey, but WHY do we need it? What exactly does sleeping do? Has anyone even done research into this? How can you even research this?!?
   I am one who loves sleep. I think it's my super comfortable bed. But I only love sleep in the morning. At night, I could really care less about sleeping. So a good night of sleep consists of 8 hours of undisturbed rest. Any more than that will leave me feeling more tired so I sleep even longer. Any less than that will be painful trying to wake up so I go back to sleep for 5 more hours. Who is the genius that tried waking up at different times every day until he found the exact time that will you make you feel great all day (8 hours)? 

   I read in the ever-so-truthful Bathroom Reader that as you get older, your body needs more rest to recover from a day of work/activity. But it seems as though as we get older, we get less and less sleep. WTH THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Of course we have school at like 7:30 in the morning which is earlier than middle school which is even earlier than elementary school (I never went to preschool so I cannot vouch for those times). And work is early, too, especially for people who have to commute!
   Why can't we just stay awake forever. So many things could get accomplished! More bridges would be built, there would be more jobs, no more world hunger, world peace would exist, and there would be cities in the sky! If you don't fall asleep, all of your wildest dreams will come true (Napoleon Dynamite reference). At least once in your life, pull an all-nighter. It's worth it. But not more than a few times. Then it's unhealthy. And you should probably see a doctor. Okay.
   I have to go. Gotta get some sleep. 

~These are not the only things I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

ROLLER COASTERS

   Lots of people enjoy roller coasters. Especially everyone I know. I don't. NEVER HAVE I EVER liked roller coasters. When I was 4, I screamed on the little baby roller coaster in Ocean City, NJ and I made them stop it. Everyone on it  probably hated me but I didn't care. That was the most frightening experience of my life at that point in time.
   Why do I not enjoy them? I have no idea. I have tried convincing myself that 'the experience is worth it' and that 'when I go on one, I won't be able to stop'... but that is a complete lie. I went on three in Disney/Universal a few years back and they were not the least bit fun. I was frightened to the point of making them stop the ride twice, but every time they ignored my pleas. I will hold this against them forever.
   There must be other coaster chickens like me out there, trying to understand the thrill of riding legal death contraptions. Anyone else? Just know that if I EVER go on a coaster with you, you are something special.

~This is not the only thing I worry about. I'll keep you posted.

UMPIRES

   About 97% of umpires I have ever had were terrible. Like why do they even get paid money to do such a bad job at making calls? We've got one guy who thinks he's a major league umpire with his 2 inch strike zone and another guy who makes calls in the field before plays are even over! This is a sub 20 year old league. We are not professionals. If it's that hard to make a right call, quit your jobs and hang out with Jim Joyce (see Armando Galarraga's 'perfect game'). 
   What is it that makes umpiring so difficult...?
   Methinks it is a result of their childhood. They are out to spite every player aspiring to be a somebody because they were never good at baseball as children. Or that they were good and had a career ending injury that they were always upset about and the only way they could reach out with their pain was by making bad calls. That last one is a stretch. Umpires have no souls.
   I hope this has been eye opening for all of us. For you see, no world can exist where players <3 umpires. It's a part of the game. 
   Sorry for the hatred expressed in writing. Some umpires made me mad today. Good thing I won't see them again for a couple months! Good for them, I mean... 

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

WALKING/RUNNING

Hope I'm not the only person in the world who thinks he walks funny. And runs weird. SO MANY PEOPLE say I run weird and now it's bottled in my head. Maybe we all just run/walk differently. I do what's comfortable to me. I wonder if more people feel the same way. Like who even taught us how to walk properly? NOBODY. There is no elementary school class called 'Walking Etiquette' so that we learn the right way to walk. I blame society. HOW are we supposed to run, too? As far as I'm concerned, if my arms and legs are moving and I'm going faster than 5mph, then I'm running right. But apparently that's wrong. So call the swag police on me. 

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

I AM NOT DEFIANT, MOM

  Here's an odd problem... Ever since the first time I was yelled at by my father, I have not been able to stop myself from smirking and eventually cracking up while he or my mom lectures me. It's not that I am not taking them seriously or anything. I think that everything they say is important for my future and so that I don't end up living as a bum in Baltimore (they have a lot there). 
  Just the other day my dad was saying how great I am when I devote myself, but that now I am just a lazy teenager who has no ambition in life. I realized he was serious, but felt a smile coming on. Then I burst out laughing. As if he thought I was laughing at him, he lectured me in rage about how I will never survive on my own in college. Seriously. 
  My mom swears each day I'm getting more and more rebellious. But I am not a defiant kid. I just can't help but smile in awkward situations. I think it's funny that I'm doing something completely unexpected, I guess. Who expects someone to start laughing in the middle of yelling?! NOBODY. That's just a weird thing to do. I wonder if I'm weird.

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

CATS

Is in normal for cats to snore? Just wondering because mine does and it keeps me up at night. Any solution to this problem would be greatly appreciated. 

Like seriously cat, go downstairs and snore. Don't bother me in my bed.

~This is not the only thing I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.

STUFF THAT I WONDER ABOUT

How different are we from one another? We may all have separate interests in life, but the way we perceive things must have some sort of similarity. For as long as I can remember, I always believed that two people could love colors such as orange and green but they are just perceived differently... meaning that one person sees orange and the other person (who is actually seeing the orange that the other person sees) thinks it is green. Maybe this has always been the reason why people like some things more than others. We perceive different things in the same way that attracts us to them. But then I came to realize that we would have a green sun and my idea went to boot. That was confusing.

ALSO why can some people do things like math better than others? I always hear people saying that they 'were born with the talent', or on the other hand that they 'never understood it'. Being born with a talent makes no sense to me. I feel like this is implying that they would be great or bad at something no matter what without any practice. The only way someone gets good at something is due to dedication and practice. Children who are supposed to be 'phenoms' are taught math somehow... they don't just come out of the womb one day and start talking about String Theory. There must be some learning involved in the process. Maybe forced learning from the parents at an early age or a die-hard dedication to research. In my honest opinion, if you say you are bad at math, I would bet my bottom dollar you never tried hard in the subject at a young age.

WHY do people like to walk around at 1 in the morning and talk really loud.

HOW THE HECK do computers work. I mean, computers are extremely fascinating to me and I would love to learn more about them but where am I supposed to start? Heck, things like submarines are just as confusing. Like there are so many pipes going up and down all around... If I broke one, would anything even happen to it? PROBABLY NOT. My guess is that they are there for show. Anyways, computers. Even the computer chips... just the chips... how is it possible for a person to make one of them? Who even thought of them? They are genius inventions! Really hope I learn this one day.

WHY DO WE HAVE GRASS IF WE'RE JUST GOING TO CUT IT EVERY WEEK. I mean, we could have invented something by now that has the same effects on soil and plant growth that grass does so why keep it up? And cutting it is such a pain. It gets in the way of everyone's busy schedule and not one person thinks twice about how RIDICULOUS IT IS for EVERY SINGLE PERSON all across the NATION to be keeping up the image of their home by cutting grass. There are some benefits like capturing carbon in the air and thus purifying the air we breath, but some people who have old fuel mowers are adding gases to the air while cutting grass anyway! Now I'm not saying that we should get rid of all grass yards, I mean, I think they look nice and American. I just believe that the idea behind them is stupid, okay?

~These are not the only things I wonder about. I'll keep you posted.